This Probably Won't Be My Last "Woe Is Me" Moment

I realize that I have only been back into the online dating world for about two weeks now.
But, when I woke up this morning and read the new emails that I had received, I was just SO OVER this whole thing already and almost ready to quit after my month long membership expires at the end of February. I'll just be a spinster.

Why are there so many weirdos out there?!?!

I don't like to exchange phone numbers before actually meeting in person for several reasons;
1. I don't want a stranger to have my phone number.
2. Guys are freaking creepy and will text all the time with terms of endearment and flirty message before we've even met. Ugh. What if, after we meet, they regret calling me "Sexy" or "Babe" or "Cutie"?  I mean, I AM all of those things, but...come on!
3. I don't like talking on the phone. Period. There are about 3 people in this world with whom I can spend time on the phone without being bored out of my mind.

When a guy asks for my number before we meet so that we can text or chat, I just think it's weird.

Also, it's really disheartening to get a message from a guy who has clearly misspelled his profile name, or didn't even take a moment to spell check his email to me or the answers on his profile questions.
Really? You meant to make your user name "OldSchoolNuceGuy"?

I understand that I may need to lower my expectations when it comes to spelling, punctuation, and grammar. But, I've said it before, and I'm saying it again - A profile is someone's first impression of you. Why not put a little effort into it?

And speaking of first impressions. Why do guys pick the WORST pictures of themselves to post on their profiles? I don't know if I'm attracted to him if the only thing I have to base my opinion on is a blurry selfie taken with a pre-historic flip phone (featured prominently in the middle of his face). Nor can I judge whether I'm attracted to him if he posts a picture that is 6 yrs old. I mean, props to him for admitting that the picture was taken in 2008, but....no.

Only posting selfies is another huge turnoff. Doesn't he have any friends? Or does he only spend time in his bathroom taking pictures in the mirror? (I see those toothpaste stains...maybe, while you're admiring yourself, take some Windex and do a little cleaning)

Well, I'm glad to have gotten that off of my chest. There's plenty of fish in the sea, and I'm sure there's a handful out there that are worthwhile. In the meantime, I'm just going to complain a lot.

First and Last Date

Well, I had a date last Friday.
Who knew that right out of the gate I'd be presented with an ethical dilemma?

I had been chatting with this guy for a few days when he asked to meet for drinks.
He seemed nice enough, we had a few things in common, and for all intents and purposes, he seemed pretty promising.

We had planned to meet up at a bar on the East Side. It was not a bar I'd ever choose to take a first date to unless I was back in college, wanted to get hammered on $1 PBR's, and enjoyed bathrooms with sticky, gross floors.
No, thanks.

He was a half hour late. I get it - rush hour traffic and all. But, I was the one to contact him 10 minutes after he was supposed to arrive. And THEN he told me he was stuck in traffic.

Once he showed up (and here's where the ethical dilemma comes in) it was very clear that he had a physical disability.

Now, I completely understand that the next things I'm about to say could make people think that I'm a terrible and intolerant person interested in only the superficial.
If you know me, you know that's not true.
If you don't, then go ahead and think what you will.

As soon as I recognized that he was the person I was supposed to meet and noticed his disability, I was no longer interested in dating him.

I spent a lot of time thinking about the date and my reaction to it this weekend. My first thoughts were, why didn't he disclose this ahead of time?  Then I thought, that's not really fair of me to expect him to tell me up front.
I felt like an asshole for not being able to see past a disability.
But, I also felt that I was put in a weird situation by not being given the whole picture ahead of time.
I know, I know, he's dealing with his own situation and his life probably isn't easy all the time.

It's a strange situation that all I can do is take as a learning experience.

I've learned that it's important to me that a prospective partner be able-bodied.
I've decided that I'm not a terrible person for wanting that.
I've also learned that I could be surprised by something every time I go to meet a new guy and just need to be prepared for anything that happens.

Apart from my immediate dismissal of a potential relationship with this guy based on his physical abilities, there were other problems that made it easier to decide not to pursue anything further with him.

1. He was late and it didn't cross his mind to let me know he was going to be late. That's just inconsiderate.

2. He told me he bought a house recently. Not with money he had saved by working hard, but with funds provided for by his parents.  This is, and always will be, a deal breaker for me.

I'm at a stage in my life where I depend on no one financially, except myself. I expect a potential partner to have the same ideals.  It's not cute to expect your parents to bail you out because you haven't planned properly or have them pay for some big expense just because you want it and can't afford it yourself.

3. His jokes were lame

4. He didn't strike me as someone who was really career oriented and also seemed to lack the drive that I have.

After re-reading my thoughts, it might seem like I gleaned a whole bunch of insight from only a couple hours of chatting, but I have always felt that I'm a good judge of character and will continue to trust my intuition.

This one turned out to be a dud.
Oh, well... Onward and upward, I guess!

Dear Single Men of Dating Websites,

Dear Single Men of Dating Websites,
I see that you're interested in me, and thank you very kindly for expressing interest in a myriad of ways.
But, here are a few tips on what is not appropriate when reaching out to me:

Is Not Appropriate:
Your first communication with me, be it via chat or email, should not be in all caps proclaiming that all women who have male friends are sluts. (Good luck with that approach! I hope you find that special lady soon.)

Is Not Appropriate:
Advising that, while I am "bangin' " (thank you so much!), not all eyes would be on me because I will be with a man who commands the room.  (No, sir, you most definitely will not have to share your spotlight with me.)

Is Not Appropriate:
Emailing back and forth for weeks without suggesting we meet. (Isn't that the point of dating websites?)

Is Not Appropriate:
Telling me your wife lives in Milwaukee.

Is Not Appropriate:
Copying and pasting the same email you send to all the lovely ladies of the online dating world. (Yes, I can tell.)

Sincerely,
Sarah

Well, well, well....

Back on the market means back to blogging.
My absence was due to the fact that I was dating a pretty awesome guy that just turned out not to be The One.
So, I'm back on the prowl - but only taking baby steps for now.
I just updated some online dating profiles, still mulling over when I'll pay for subscriptions.
But the weirdos are already flocking on the free websites!

I'm not sure if I'll stick to my old rules of having to say yes to all dates that are offered to me. Right now I'm just getting myself used to the idea of being back in the dating game.

Considering that it's not summer right now and I won't be saying yes to everyone that offers me a date; you can probably expect the name of my blog to change soon.

Stay tuned for the musings of a 30 yr old single lady...

He Likes Dive Bars, Dogs, and Horses.

There's something to be said about spending some time communicating with someone before you agree to go out on a date. It might be a good idea to find out if you have anything in common before you spend any length of time with them.

I learned that lesson last weekend.

This man called himself "handsome" and "tall". Literally. It was his screenname.
Now, it's probably okay to claim you're tall. That really can't be disputed.
And he was. Really tall.
But handsome is subjective and you run the risk of being wrong (and coming across as an idiot) or being right (and coming across as a cocky douche).
Lucky for me he was actually handsome. Really handsome. I mean, stud status.

But we seriously had nothing in common. Everything that I am, he was the opposite.
Taste in music, movies, books, politics, hobbies etc. NOTHING in common.

Our conversation was limited to say the least. There were a lot of "umms" and "soooos" or just weird staring.
I also couldn't tell when he was joking.
Maybe it'd be a good idea to keep your uber-serious fake storytelling to yourself until we get past the "get to know ya" stage. I didn't find it funny when he said he was from Oregon, when five minutes before he said he had grown up in southeastern Wisconsin.  That's a joke? He thought it was.

Once, I actually thought we were saying goodbye for the night.
Granted, it was the end of the night and the Pewaukee Beach Party was ending so we had the choice to either carry on at a bar or end it. We even shook hands and I said, "It was nice to meet you" and started walking away!

There was also an age gap of seven years. That he liked to bring up too often for my taste.
But, whatever. I like my men more seasoned than I.
He was surprised when he referenced things that he thought were so beyond me and I actually knew what he was talking about.
However, he didn't seem to pick up on the slang of today's youth that came out of my mouth.

He got pretty blitzed (I did not) because all we did was drink and talk (or whatever the hell we were doing).

So, when the Beach Party ended we did end up at a bar for some more cocktails and riveting conversation.
Finally he told me that he couldn't read me. I told him that I felt the same way. Then he asked what I was thinking and I told him that I found him really attractive but we really didn't seem to communicate well.
He nodded in agreement. Then he hugged me - which was weird.

He said he needed some fresh air and asked if I wanted to go outside with him. I did.

So we went outside and proceeded to have a super hot makeout sesh!

Then he left and I went back inside and started chatting up other hotties.

Third Time is Definitely Not a Charm...For That Guy

So, my Desperate 8 Year Old finally texted me.
On Wednesday.
Three days after we were supposed to meet.

Sunday rolled around and, needless to say, I was not too pumped for our date.
However, he really came through for me. He never contacted me on Sunday. So, I joyously spent the afternoon doing laundry, cleaning, reading the final installment of the Fifty Shades trilogy (it really went down hill after the first book), and cooking this amazing soup.

I really thought his short term memory would make for an easy escape but, nonetheless, he reached out this evening.

I was just sitting on my porch, playing Sudoku, sipping on my Lambrusco (so classy, I know) when my phone pinged to let me know this guy was still thinking of me.

Here you go:

Him: How are you? What have you been doing?
Me: Why are you texting me?
Him: Was wondering when your (sic) free to hang out. This is "Desperate 8 Year Old" from "Free Online Dating Website Full of Lame-o's".
Me: I know who you are. I was free on Sunday when we had plans to meet.
Him: When? Where was that? I didn't have plans on Sunday.
Me: If you still have my number, you still have our conversation. Enlighten yourself.
Him: What were we supposed to do? If we were supposed to hang out, why didn't you remind me?
Me: Why would I? If you really wanted to meet me you would have followed through.
Him: Where? When? I have none of that.
Him: Likewise!
Me: I recommended that you pick a place and time. You said, "Ok. I will". You didn't. The ball was in your court.
Him: Oh! I was right. We had nothing planned. If we had plans to meet, their (sic) would have been a time and place.
Me: Ok. You're right. You win.
Him: So what are you up to this weekend?

I did not reply. Seriously?
Mr. ADHD, if you can't remember that we had a date planned for Sunday or that it was your job to schedule a place and time OR that you've emailed me TWICE before, then I am going to heed my original reaction to your advances and sever all ties.

One of my pet peeves is when people (potential romantical interest or friend) don't consider my time as important.
Just like Don't Leave Me Hangin',
I'm not a fan of people who just assume that I'm sitting there waiting with bated breath for them to let me know what we're going to do.

I know, I know, I could have contacted that person ahead of time to narrow down a time and place. I normally do that. Just like I did with "Don't Leave Me Hangin'". But, it's my general rule that if a guy wants to spend time with me, he'll make sure it happens...so I let him do the work in the beginning.

I was really struggling with this experiment after this weekend - what with the two failed dates that I said "yes" to. I mean, if I really was interested in a date, I'd be sure to follow through and know when and where we are meeting. The more I thought about it, though, the more I realized that this was just my initial red flags being reinforced. In the words of my awesome friend, I agreed to say "yes" to a date, not to say "yes" to being a doormat. So, I'm going forward with the belief that once I say "yes", no matter how bad I don't want to go on the date or how bad I really do want the date, I'm going to maintain my original expectations.

If someone wants to date me, then they need to put forth at least enough effort to schedule the damn date.

Don't Leave Me Hangin'...

I had another date planned this weekend.
But, I didn't go.

I had a weird vibe from the beginning because of the following reasons:

• His profile was incomplete - only one paragraph.
• His only photos were taken by himself or his computer - does he not have ANY friends?
• He asked me out for coffee. Then deleted his profile.
• Then he created a new one a few days later and picked up our conversation like I wouldn't notice that he's contacting me with a different profile.
• But since I'm saying "yes", I told him my availability for the weekend. He offered up "3ish pm on Saturday" as a time and Mayfair Mall as the location - Ummm, that place is large. That's like saying, "Hey, wanna meet me in Milwaukee in June?" Was he expecting me to just go to Mayfair and wander around looking for him all afternoon? Sheesh.

When I asked him where we were to meet at Mayfair he never replied (I'm not familiar with that mall at all so I had no idea of a place to suggest).
So, at noon I emailed him and said that since I hadn't heard from him on where we were meeting that I was assuming that the date was off and to have a good weekend. (I added an exclamation mark at the end to not appear uber-bitchy). 

He messaged me later, at 1:30, saying he could still meet up and told me to give him my phone number.

My gut reaction: Hell to the no! I'm not giving you my number after you left me hanging until an hour and a half before we were supposed to meet!  

However, I have not replied to his email yet. And I suppose, to stay in keeping with my "yes" to all dates, I should write him back and offer up another time to meet. I'll mull it over and let you know what I choose to do...

Here is where he earned one singular brownie point:

I mentioned in my profile that new people think I'm intimidating (I have since edited my profile and that little nugget did not make the cut). He asked why and I mentioned my chronic bitch face. That did not deter him. And he appreciated the illustration I directed him to that explained what chronic bitch face is.
Anyone who can appreciate my chronic bitch face deserves a pat on the back.