He Likes Dive Bars, Dogs, and Horses.

There's something to be said about spending some time communicating with someone before you agree to go out on a date. It might be a good idea to find out if you have anything in common before you spend any length of time with them.

I learned that lesson last weekend.

This man called himself "handsome" and "tall". Literally. It was his screenname.
Now, it's probably okay to claim you're tall. That really can't be disputed.
And he was. Really tall.
But handsome is subjective and you run the risk of being wrong (and coming across as an idiot) or being right (and coming across as a cocky douche).
Lucky for me he was actually handsome. Really handsome. I mean, stud status.

But we seriously had nothing in common. Everything that I am, he was the opposite.
Taste in music, movies, books, politics, hobbies etc. NOTHING in common.

Our conversation was limited to say the least. There were a lot of "umms" and "soooos" or just weird staring.
I also couldn't tell when he was joking.
Maybe it'd be a good idea to keep your uber-serious fake storytelling to yourself until we get past the "get to know ya" stage. I didn't find it funny when he said he was from Oregon, when five minutes before he said he had grown up in southeastern Wisconsin.  That's a joke? He thought it was.

Once, I actually thought we were saying goodbye for the night.
Granted, it was the end of the night and the Pewaukee Beach Party was ending so we had the choice to either carry on at a bar or end it. We even shook hands and I said, "It was nice to meet you" and started walking away!

There was also an age gap of seven years. That he liked to bring up too often for my taste.
But, whatever. I like my men more seasoned than I.
He was surprised when he referenced things that he thought were so beyond me and I actually knew what he was talking about.
However, he didn't seem to pick up on the slang of today's youth that came out of my mouth.

He got pretty blitzed (I did not) because all we did was drink and talk (or whatever the hell we were doing).

So, when the Beach Party ended we did end up at a bar for some more cocktails and riveting conversation.
Finally he told me that he couldn't read me. I told him that I felt the same way. Then he asked what I was thinking and I told him that I found him really attractive but we really didn't seem to communicate well.
He nodded in agreement. Then he hugged me - which was weird.

He said he needed some fresh air and asked if I wanted to go outside with him. I did.

So we went outside and proceeded to have a super hot makeout sesh!

Then he left and I went back inside and started chatting up other hotties.

Third Time is Definitely Not a Charm...For That Guy

So, my Desperate 8 Year Old finally texted me.
On Wednesday.
Three days after we were supposed to meet.

Sunday rolled around and, needless to say, I was not too pumped for our date.
However, he really came through for me. He never contacted me on Sunday. So, I joyously spent the afternoon doing laundry, cleaning, reading the final installment of the Fifty Shades trilogy (it really went down hill after the first book), and cooking this amazing soup.

I really thought his short term memory would make for an easy escape but, nonetheless, he reached out this evening.

I was just sitting on my porch, playing Sudoku, sipping on my Lambrusco (so classy, I know) when my phone pinged to let me know this guy was still thinking of me.

Here you go:

Him: How are you? What have you been doing?
Me: Why are you texting me?
Him: Was wondering when your (sic) free to hang out. This is "Desperate 8 Year Old" from "Free Online Dating Website Full of Lame-o's".
Me: I know who you are. I was free on Sunday when we had plans to meet.
Him: When? Where was that? I didn't have plans on Sunday.
Me: If you still have my number, you still have our conversation. Enlighten yourself.
Him: What were we supposed to do? If we were supposed to hang out, why didn't you remind me?
Me: Why would I? If you really wanted to meet me you would have followed through.
Him: Where? When? I have none of that.
Him: Likewise!
Me: I recommended that you pick a place and time. You said, "Ok. I will". You didn't. The ball was in your court.
Him: Oh! I was right. We had nothing planned. If we had plans to meet, their (sic) would have been a time and place.
Me: Ok. You're right. You win.
Him: So what are you up to this weekend?

I did not reply. Seriously?
Mr. ADHD, if you can't remember that we had a date planned for Sunday or that it was your job to schedule a place and time OR that you've emailed me TWICE before, then I am going to heed my original reaction to your advances and sever all ties.

One of my pet peeves is when people (potential romantical interest or friend) don't consider my time as important.
Just like Don't Leave Me Hangin',
I'm not a fan of people who just assume that I'm sitting there waiting with bated breath for them to let me know what we're going to do.

I know, I know, I could have contacted that person ahead of time to narrow down a time and place. I normally do that. Just like I did with "Don't Leave Me Hangin'". But, it's my general rule that if a guy wants to spend time with me, he'll make sure it happens...so I let him do the work in the beginning.

I was really struggling with this experiment after this weekend - what with the two failed dates that I said "yes" to. I mean, if I really was interested in a date, I'd be sure to follow through and know when and where we are meeting. The more I thought about it, though, the more I realized that this was just my initial red flags being reinforced. In the words of my awesome friend, I agreed to say "yes" to a date, not to say "yes" to being a doormat. So, I'm going forward with the belief that once I say "yes", no matter how bad I don't want to go on the date or how bad I really do want the date, I'm going to maintain my original expectations.

If someone wants to date me, then they need to put forth at least enough effort to schedule the damn date.

Don't Leave Me Hangin'...

I had another date planned this weekend.
But, I didn't go.

I had a weird vibe from the beginning because of the following reasons:

• His profile was incomplete - only one paragraph.
• His only photos were taken by himself or his computer - does he not have ANY friends?
• He asked me out for coffee. Then deleted his profile.
• Then he created a new one a few days later and picked up our conversation like I wouldn't notice that he's contacting me with a different profile.
• But since I'm saying "yes", I told him my availability for the weekend. He offered up "3ish pm on Saturday" as a time and Mayfair Mall as the location - Ummm, that place is large. That's like saying, "Hey, wanna meet me in Milwaukee in June?" Was he expecting me to just go to Mayfair and wander around looking for him all afternoon? Sheesh.

When I asked him where we were to meet at Mayfair he never replied (I'm not familiar with that mall at all so I had no idea of a place to suggest).
So, at noon I emailed him and said that since I hadn't heard from him on where we were meeting that I was assuming that the date was off and to have a good weekend. (I added an exclamation mark at the end to not appear uber-bitchy). 

He messaged me later, at 1:30, saying he could still meet up and told me to give him my phone number.

My gut reaction: Hell to the no! I'm not giving you my number after you left me hanging until an hour and a half before we were supposed to meet!  

However, I have not replied to his email yet. And I suppose, to stay in keeping with my "yes" to all dates, I should write him back and offer up another time to meet. I'll mull it over and let you know what I choose to do...

Here is where he earned one singular brownie point:

I mentioned in my profile that new people think I'm intimidating (I have since edited my profile and that little nugget did not make the cut). He asked why and I mentioned my chronic bitch face. That did not deter him. And he appreciated the illustration I directed him to that explained what chronic bitch face is.
Anyone who can appreciate my chronic bitch face deserves a pat on the back.

 

 

Third Time's a Charm?

So, to kick off my summer of saying yes to (mostly) any date offered, the universe must have decided to toy with me. I have already rebuked this guy twice in the past at his email attempts to "get to know me".

All three times this guy has emailed me, he's started with "Hey, I like your profile, I'd like to get to know you better". Ummm, he must send that message to a lot of ladies to not remember the other two times I've said thanks, but not thanks.

However, his third email has coincided with my attempt at being more open to meeting people I wouldn't normally say yes to, so my reply this time was:

Don't you remember you've emailed me twice before, and once we argued about the distance between Waukesha and Hartford? (Very positive and welcoming, I know. But, hey! This is new to me, give me some time!)

He came back with:

Message #1: It doesn't matter how far apart we are. If we like each other and like spending time together, why should distance be an issue?
Message #2 (5 minutes later): Also I don't care if you're far away because I like to travel and I'm willing to do that. I am willing to travel if I'm able to meet the right person.

Ugh, my gut reaction is he's desperate, annoying, sounds like an 8 year old arguing. However, I've decided to let go of making decisions based on my gut reactions so my reply is:

Me: It doesn't matter. How was your move? Are you getting settled?
Desperate 8 yr old:  I am settled. It was great. I love my place. Would you like to hang out sometime? We need to exchange numbers?

He's too freakin' enthusiastic for my taste. But, again - my summer of yes is happening, so I tell him that, yes, I'll give him my number so we can schedule a time to meet up for drinks.

He texts me shortly thereafter and this is how THAT goes:

Desperate, and now Too Enthusiastic, 8 yr old: What's going on Sarah? This is (name removed to protect the desperate and overly enthusiastic innocent) from POF What are you getting into today?

(side note: POF is not the website that he found me on....)


Me: Just working. What about you?
Him: And then what are you doing tonight? And this week? When are you free to hang out with me?

(screaming in my head - "Dude! Settle the heck down!)

Me: I am unavailable tonight. And most likely Friday and Saturday are booked. We could meet for a drink any other night
Him: That does not leave any time. You must not want to meet me.

(In my head: WTF. Of course I don't want to MEET you. I've already said no to you twice! Why so insecure?)

Me: Today is Tuesday. I am free Wednesday and Thursday. And Sunday. This is three free nights I gave you an option for meeting for drinks. How does that mean I don't want to meet you?
Him: Out of those. I am only free on Sunday. What would you like to do?

(In my head: I've already freakin' said we should meet for drinks TWICE - what do you THINK I want to do?!?)


Me: Why don't you figure out a time and place to meet for drinks and let me know what you come up with.
Him: Are we gonna get totally f***** up?
Him: I'm kidding
Me: No. That's a work night! I only do that on weekends. :)
Him: Well what the f*** Sarah? LOL :P
Him: We can figure something out?
Me: Not sure what you're asking me. Just pick a place in the middle and we'll meet on Sunday
Him: No
Him: Ok, I will


Ugh. So, I have a date on Sunday. With an overly enthusiastic, desperate weirdo who's humor doesn't strike me as funny at all. But, I'm giving him the benefit of the doubt that when communicating through text it is difficult to read someone's tone.

I will keep you posted.